Beyond the Sea: A Modern Gothic Romance Read online

  A pang seized my chest. He’d considered suicide? “Why didn’t you?”

  He thought about it a moment before answering simply, “Spite.”

  I fell silent. Noah’s attention returned to the hole. “When I came to your room the other day you seemed very down,” he said, casting me a look that almost seemed concerned.

  I blinked at him. “Are you worried I’d try to kill myself?”

  “Would you?”

  “No. Never.”

  “Good,” he said, looking appeased by my answer. Despite the morbid topic of conversation, I was touched that he’d been worried about me. That he’d considered my mental state.

  “Ard na Mara is a tough place to grow up. It can feel like the walls are closing in on you sometimes,” he said, and my heart pounded because he’d expressed a sentiment I felt often.

  I came to stand next to him, looking down. “Jumping from here wouldn’t necessarily kill a person.” The thought was in my head and out of my mouth within the space of a few seconds. I hadn’t meant to voice it.

  Noah glanced at me. “You’re right. Killing a person is a lot harder than they make it look in the movies.” A pause as a thoughtful expression came over him. “And then sometimes it isn’t hard at all.”

  I held his gaze. “Speaking from experience?”

  He must’ve heard the uneasiness in my voice because he sought to reassure me. “I don’t mean you any harm, Estella. You’re safe with me.” He shot me a knowing glance. “Even if you are in the habit of spying on me.”

  “I didn’t …” The protest died on my tongue when I saw his cynical expression. So, he had seen me in his room. I was oddly relieved to finally have it out in the open.

  “If you want to know things about me, just ask. Though I can’t guarantee you’ll like my answers.”

  I stared him down. “Okay, well, for a start I’d like to know what you were doing standing by the edge of the cliff the other day, staring at the house like a psychopath?”

  My question surprised a chuckle out of him, and I realised he was quite handsome when he smiled. “I had to leave my bike at the mechanics in town,” he answered. “There was a problem with the engine. I decided to walk home along the beach, though now that you mention it, yeah, that was a bit creepy. Anything else you’d like to know?”

  I sucked in a deep breath. “Why have you come to visit your mother and sister?”

  “I have unfinished business.”

  “What kind of unfinished business?”

  “The family kind.”

  I sighed and shook my head. “You’re being purposefully vague. Again.”

  “I said you might not like my answers.”

  I studied him a moment. “Why did you collect me from school today?”

  Noah turned away, his shoulders stiffening slightly. “I don’t like bullies, and I felt you needed a little helping hand.”

  “You have no obligation to help me. We aren’t family. Not really,” I whispered.

  He turned back around, taking a step towards me and eliminating some of the distance between us. “We don’t need to be family for me to want to help you. I’ve always been a supporter of the underdog.”

  “So that’s what you think I am, an underdog?”

  He tilted his head. “Aren’t you?”

  I worried my lip, thinking of all the trials and tribulations I’d been through in my short life. Maybe I was an underdog. Or maybe I was just unlucky. Or maybe … maybe my dad’s curse had somehow gotten attached to me when he died.

  No. I refused to succumb to that kind of thinking. Dad had spent his entire life fearing the wrath of some higher power, and it was no way to live.

  “What happened to your dad? How did he die?” Noah asked, as though he’d read my thoughts.

  I frowned. “Vee didn’t tell you?”

  “She refuses to talk about it. It’s still a sore subject. And Sylvia’s not exactly a Chatty Cathy these days.” He gave a wry smile.

  My frown deepened. This man had a truly sick sense of humour. I still didn’t get his and Vee’s lack of empathy when it came to their mother. “He was in a car accident a little over two years ago. The paramedics said he died at the scene.”

  “Ah, so that’s why my sister hates driving now,” Noah said then glanced at me, the tiniest hint of empathy in his eyes. “A quick death is always preferable.”

  “I’d rather have my dad still alive, thanks. And I don’t remember Vee ever being fond of driving. She much preferred to have my dad chauffer her around.”

  “Do you know how to drive?” he asked. I shook my head, and his eyes took on a certain gleam. “Want me to teach you?”

  I was about to say no, but then when I thought about it, I really could stand to learn. If I wanted to go it alone after I graduated in June, then being able to drive a car would be useful. It was March, so that gave me a few months to learn. After the last two years living on Vee’s good graces, I didn’t want to have to rely on anyone else ever again. Independence was so close I could almost taste it. The prospect of being completely and totally self-sufficient was a dream I clung to dearly.

  “Okay, but in a car. I don’t have any aspirations to drive a motorbike.”

  He smirked. “No? It’s quite the rush.”

  “It’s also incredibly dangerous.”

  “The two usually come hand in hand.”

  I stared at him a beat, then asked, “Can we go home now? I really don’t know why you brought me here.”

  “I just thought it might be nice for you to get away,” he said. “Didn’t you enjoy the ride?”

  Yes. More than I care to admit. “It was okay.”

  “Just okay?”

  “Do you expect me to swoon because you let me on the back of your motorbike?” I challenged. I immediately regretted it when I saw his lips twitch in amusement.

  “No. But now that you’ve mentioned it makes me think you did swoon.”

  “Ha! You wish,” I scoffed, even as I hated how self-conscious I sounded.

  His eyes glimmered. “Would you like me to wish it?”

  “No.”

  “Fine,” he said, moving past me. “I won’t.”

  He continued walking back to where he’d parked his bike, and I stood there for a second, frustrated and berating myself for going with him in the first place. After all, it might’ve been satisfying to see the look on Sally’s face, but when Noah didn’t show up tomorrow, and the day after that, she’d be smirking and whispering to Claire that I’d been dumped by my mysterious older “boyfriend”.

  Noah was sitting on his bike waiting when I caught up to him. He silently handed me the helmet, eyeing me a moment before he asked, “Who was that girl at the school with Sally O’Hare? The blonde one?”

  I rolled my eyes. Of course, he’d noticed Claire calling him hot. Bloody typical. “Why?”

  “She looks familiar.”

  “Her name’s Claire McBride.”

  Some sort of knowledge flashed in his eyes. “Mayor McBride’s daughter?”

  “Yes,” I clipped, annoyed. Okay, so I could admit I was jealous he’d noticed Claire. Everyone talked about how pretty she was. It was too bad she was rotten on the inside. I busied myself putting on the helmet.

  “Are you all right?” Noah asked, obviously sensing my annoyance.

  I glanced at him. “I know this is a lot to ask, but can you not go out with Claire? I know she’s gorgeous and all, but she’s a complete bitch to me at school. And if she started dating you, I’m not sure I could handle the overdose of smugness.” I finished my plea, refusing to look him in the eye as I moved to walk around his bike. His hand shot out, wrapping around my upper arm and stopping me in my tracks.

  “Estella.”

  “Yes?” I said, cheeks heating as I kept my gaze firmly on the ground. His hand was like a hot brand against my skin.

  “I’d rather cut off my own dick than go anywhere near that girl. I asked you who she was for other reasons. Oka
y?”

  I scrunched my brow at his mention of cutting off dicks, because gross, then lifted my gaze. “What other reasons?”

  His eyes dimmed. “Nothing to concern yourself with.”

  I was relieved he wasn’t interested in Claire, but I was curious about why he wanted to know who she was. I climbed onto the bike and gripped the back of the seat as he moved off, determined not to wrap my arms around him this time. It was too strange and intimate. I was rarely this physically close to anyone and having my arms around Noah gave me way too many swarming, tingly feelings in the pit of my stomach. Feelings that overcomplicated everything.

  A few minutes later we pulled up to the house, and my pulse spiked when I saw Vee standing by the front door smoking a cigarette. In her housecoat and slippers as per usual. Zero shits given about not being dressed in the middle of the day. Her eyes narrowed when she spotted me on the back of Noah’s bike. There would be repercussions this time. I just knew it in my bones. Vee had told me to stay away from her brother, and I clearly hadn’t listened to her.

  “Collecting my step-daughter from school again?” she said once Noah cut the engine. “How kind of you, brother.”

  “I’m a real Good Samaritan,” Noah responded drolly.

  I frowned, moving toward the side of the house and hoping to slip away and down to the beach for a while, at least until Vee disappeared into the study for the evening. I wasn’t fast enough though, and she reached out, snagging one of the straps of my bag with her claw. I mean, hand.

  “Where do you think you’re going?”

  I swallowed tightly. “To my room.”

  “Nonsense. You need to eat dinner before you go hiding away in your little cave for the evening.”

  “Okay, I’ll make something.”

  “No need. I made a stew. It’s sitting on the stove. Go dish it up.”

  Vee cooked dinner? This was a first.

  “Trying to murder the lot of us, are you, Veronica?” Noah questioned dryly, a hint of that dark humour showing in the curve of his lips.

  Vee grew defensive, almost like he’d hurt her feelings. She was an odd creature, one moment vicious, the next as vulnerable as an open wound. “What a horrible thing to insinuate.”

  “Well, you don’t seem particular fond of Estella, or me for that matter, and they do say that women favour poison,” Noah went on.

  She folded her arms. “Don’t be ridiculous. I don’t want to poison anyone. And of course, I’m fond of you. You’re my brother.”

  I inwardly rolled my eyes when she didn’t bother denying his statement about me.

  “In that case, leave me a bowl. I’ll be back later,” Noah said, like the first half of their conversation hadn’t even happened. He casually climbed back onto his motorbike. Wait, he was leaving? I’d much rather eat Vee’s stew with him there instead of it being just the two of us. Sitting at the table. Silence filling the room. Absolutely no options for chit chat.

  I was still standing next to Vee when Noah disappeared out of sight.

  “Well, what are you waiting for? I said go and dish up the stew.”

  Anxiety rising, I nodded and stepped by her into the house.

  5.

  I spotted Sylvia watching television in the living room as I made my way to the kitchen. Irene had probably already fed her, so it was just going to be me and Vee.

  This was going to be so bloody weird.

  I entered the kitchen, and Vee’s stew smelled surprisingly good. I lifted the lid and peeked inside the pot to find a perfectly acceptable beef and vegetable stew. Nothing as untoward as Noah had insinuated, at least as far as I could tell.

  When was the last time I ate a home cooked meal? I honestly couldn’t remember. There was even a sliced loaf of bread on a plate next to a dish of butter. Nostalgia smacked me right in the chest. Dad used to cook meals like this all the time. It was another one of the many things I sorely missed about him. He’d been the one thing to keep the warmth in this house. When he died, the cold crept in.

  Sniffing, I grabbed two bowls from the cupboard and ladled some stew into them. Vee entered the room and took her usual seat at the table. I carried two bowls and two spoons over, setting one in front of her before placing the other down for myself.

  I felt her eyes on me as I buttered a slice of bread. What strange game was she playing? Was there a game at all, or was she actually trying to be motherly right now?

  If so, it felt oddly like being given a hug by a spider. Unnatural and strange.

  “How was school today?” Vee asked as she lifted a spoonful of stew to her mouth.

  “It was okay,” I answered, an awkward edge to my words.

  “And Noah came to collect you?” she went on, her tone deceptively casual.

  “Yes.”

  Her eyes narrowed the tiniest bit. “I thought I warned you about spending time with my brother.”

  I bristled, trying to keep my tone even. “I didn’t ask him to come. He just showed up.”

  “Well, if he shows up again, you can politely decline.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I said so,” she clipped.

  I frowned at my bowl, frustrated.

  Vee let out a heavy sigh, her tone softening a tiny bit. “Look, Noah is … a complicated person with a complicated history. I haven’t seen him in a very long time. I have no idea how much he’s changed in the last ten years. It might not be safe for you to be around him.”

  Wait a second, was she telling me to stay away from him because she worried for me? The thought felt surreal. Vee rarely displayed maternal concern on my behalf, if ever.

  “Well,” I said, dipping the bread I just buttered into my bowl and wondering what exactly she meant by a complicated history. “He can’t have changed that much.”

  “You don’t know what he’s been through.”

  “According to you, you don’t either.”

  “I know more than you,” Vee argued abruptly, and I decided to back off. I could be argumentative when the mood took me, but I needed to remember that fighting with Vee was a bad idea. My place under her roof was tentative to say the least, and since I was eighteen and technically now an adult, she could kick me out of here before I received my inheritance and had the means to take care of myself.

  “Have you ever heard the story of Phineas Gage?” Vee asked then, drawing my attention back to her.

  Phineas who? I shook my head.

  “He was an American railroad worker in the 1800s who had an iron rod accidentally driven through his skull.” She tapped a spot on her forehead, and I grimaced. “Miraculously, he survived, but he suffered a severely traumatic brain injury. His frontal lobe was destroyed. Before the accident, many of Phineas’ friends described him as a hardworking, kind-natured man. However, after the accident his personality changed completely. He was quick to anger, surly and unpredictable. The damage to his brain caused an almost total change in his character.”

  I frowned. “That’s an interesting story, but I’m not sure of your point.”

  Vee exhaled impatiently, like I was going out of my way to be dim. “Noah is my brother, and for that reason I will always love him, but he has had one too many knocks to the skull over the years, especially while he was a teenager. He isn’t the same sweet little boy I used to play with. In fact, he is quick to anger, surly and unpredictable.” She sent me a pointed look and my stomach twisted when she continued under her breath. “Lord knows he has a lot to be angry about.”

  What did she mean by one too many knocks to the skull? Had someone beaten him? A shiver ran down my spine as I thought about it. Hadn’t most of history’s infamous killers and psychopaths acted how they did because there was something wrong with their brains?

  I stared at her, a frown marring my lips. “If he’s so unpredictable then why are you allowing him to stay at the house?”

  Vee stilled, and I was certain I saw a flicker of shame in her eyes. “Because I wasn’t there for him at a time when he
needed me most.” A pause as she cleared her throat. “I won’t abandon him again.”

  “When did you—”

  “Eat your dinner and be quiet, Estella. I’ve had enough of your back talk for one evening,” she snipped, cutting me off.

  Back talk? I was only asking questions. And she was the one who initiated the conversation. Sometimes I truly didn’t understand my stepmother. Every once in a while, I saw glimpses of kindness in her, but they were quickly eradicated by a venomous outburst or cruel insult. Maybe Vee had experienced a few knocks to the skull herself. After all, if there was one thing you could say about her, it was that she had a fascinating psyche. I was often dumbfounded to explain why she acted how she did.

  I focused on my meal, and we ate in silence. Vee’s stew was tasty, but I couldn’t stop thinking about Noah. What had happened to him? Was it something awful? And was that why he gave me such strange, mixed up feelings when I was around him? I really wanted to know why Vee thought she’d abandoned him. I wanted to know the full story, but she was rarely in a sharing mood. Our conversation just now was probably the most we’d ever spoken to one another without her berating me or ordering me around.

  I finished the entire large bowl of stew, which wasn’t surprising. I was always hungry. A side effect of living in a house that never seemed to have enough food in it. And if there was food, I normally wasn’t allowed to eat it. I had to fend for myself, which was difficult when you didn’t have any proper income. I’d tried finding a part-time job in town, but they were all taken, or they conflicted with my school hours.

  I remembered the money Noah paid me to accompany him to the school the other day and wondered if I should use it to buy some essentials. I was almost out of shampoo and bodywash. I’d run out before and had to use a bar of soap to wash myself, which made my skin and hair unbelievably dry. I also needed sanitary towels and deodorant. These days it felt like I was always running out of something.

  Tomorrow after school I’d stop by the shop in town and buy some things.

  ***

  The following morning, I woke up at my usual hour and headed to the bathroom to get ready. I twisted the door handle, but strangely, it was locked. Normally, I was the first person awake in the house, but maybe Noah was up early. Then again, I hadn’t heard him come back last night.