Beyond the Sea: A Modern Gothic Romance Read online

  I picked up the first book and saw it was a copy of The Quran. The rest included The Torah and The Talmud, The Dao de Jing, The Vedas and The Upanishads, alongside several others I hadn’t heard of before.

  He’d given me a collection of sacred texts from different religions from around the world. Were these the same ones he’d claimed to have read? And more importantly, did he expect me to read them, too?

  In a weird way, I was flattered that he thought I was smart enough to digest such works. I mean, I was, but I was used to being dismissed as a naïve, stupid teenager by Vee. It was nice to be respected for once, but I was still suspicious of kindnesses from Noah. I simply couldn’t tell if they were offered freely, or if there was some kind of hidden catch.

  The books were well-worn, like they’d been thumbed through and read over and over again. The book lover in me was delighted to be given such a collection, but I didn’t know if Noah meant them as a gift or just a loan, so I was careful not to damage them. I looked at the titles, no clue where to start. On instinct, I picked up The Torah. It seemed like a good place to start, since I knew it overlapped with the Old Testament. I got comfortable on my bed, opened to the first page and started to read.

  ***

  Several hours later my mind was a whirl. Noah was right. There was a lot to learn from other religions, and I’d barely broken the surface. People could be divided over such things, but the more I read, the more I saw the similarities we all shared, not the differences.

  I was eager to discuss it all with Noah. I left my room and went upstairs in search of him, but when I knocked on his bedroom door, there was no answer. I opened it and peeked my head in, but the room was empty.

  “What are you doing?”

  My heart thudded as I turned around. Vee stood behind me in her long house coat. Her hair was like a scraggly bird’s nest on top of her head, her eyes blood shot. In her hands she held a litre of vodka, which she appeared to be drinking straight from the bottle.

  “I was just, um …” I trailed off, no excuse forthcoming as to why I was outside Noah’s bedroom. Vee rolled her eyes, wobbling a little on her feet. She was drunk, and that made me nervous. Vee could be cruel when sober, but there was no knowing what kind of depravity she could resort to while intoxicated.

  “Your boyfriend’s downstairs.”

  “He’s not my—”

  “He’s twenty-five years old. Did you know that? Your father would be turning in his grave if he knew you were out here, chasing older men.”

  “I’m not chasing anyone.”

  Another eye roll. “What do I care? You’re nothing to me. The only reason I let you stay here is out of respect to your dad. He was the only man who ever loved me. Too good for this world.”

  My heart clenched when I saw a flicker of her grief. It was hard for me to reconcile Vee’s cruelty toward me with her obvious love for my father. “Well, that’s one thing we can agree on,” I whispered. Dad had definitely been too good for this world. Too good for Vee, too, but I didn’t mention that.

  She brought her catty green eyes back to me. “You’re not good like him. You think you are, with all your Bible reading and going to church, but you aren’t. I see it in you. You’re exactly like me. Bitter and twisted.”

  If I was bitter and twisted, then it was only because she made me that way. I didn’t think I was though. Not entirely. True, there was a part of me that enjoyed seeing her shaken when Noah kicked the bathroom door in. I’d felt vindicated, but that was only because of the years of emotional abuse she’d bestowed upon me. It was hard enough grieving for a parent, let alone when your stepmother went out of her way to make every single moment worse. Yes, I had a reason for wanting her to suffer, but she had no reason for wanting me to.

  I levelled her with a firm look. “Vee, you’ve had too much to drink. You should go to bed.”

  “Don’t use that tone with me,” she hissed. “And don’t tell me what to do. I’m the adult here. I tell you what to do.”

  I frowned at her, struck with a sudden and unexpected bout of sympathy. Vee was a deeply troubled and unhappy person. I needed to keep reminding myself of that. It was why she treated me how she did. I thought of the birthday party Noah was organising. Vee was in no fit state for something like that. I honestly didn’t know what he was thinking putting it together in the first place.

  “Did you know that Noah’s organising a party for your birthday this weekend?” I asked in a soft voice. I felt like I was doing her a kindness by telling her. Who knew how she’d react if he kept it a secret and then suddenly there were all these people in her house who she probably hadn’t spoken to in years.

  Vee stared at me as though trying to comprehend what I just said. Tension filled the hallway as she hissed, “He’s what?”

  I scratched my arm, growing nervous. Maybe I should’ve kept my mouth shut. “Noah had me deliver some invitations today …”

  Her eyes started to bulge, and she flew down the stairs. I followed as she burst into the living room and threw her almost empty vodka bottle at Noah’s head. He was standing by the window, talking to someone on the phone, but he spotted her just in time. He ducked, and the bottle smashed into the wall, shattering to pieces.

  “Listen, Tad, I’ll have to call you back.” Noah said calmly, ending his call and slotting the phone in his pocket. His eyes were livid as he levelled them on Vee. “What the ever-loving fuck, Veronica?”

  “You’re throwing me a birthday party!” she yelled in anger. A normal person would’ve been excited at the prospect, but Vee was far from normal. I didn’t expect her to be thrilled about the idea, but I didn’t think she’d be this mad.

  Noah’s expression sobered, his eyes coming to me. “You opened one of my invitations?”

  “No, I … Principal Hawkins caught me trying to deliver one, and he opened it right in front of me.”

  “John Hawkins?” Vee demanded. “Who else did you invite?”

  “Just a few people from town,” Noah answered. “I had Estella deliver special invites to Enda Riordan, Matt O’Hare, Lydia McBride and Principal Hawkins, since they were all such good friends of our parents.”

  What little colour was left drained from Vee’s face. Then, she flew at Noah, bashing him in the chest, fury pouring out of her. “How could you! They’re the last people I want to see!” she kept yelling, and I heard Sylvia stir in her bedroom down the hall. She was probably wondering what all the commotion was about. I stood back, well out of the way of Vee’s fury.

  Noah grabbed hold of her thin, pale wrists. The look in his eyes made my blood run cold. “How could I?” he questioned. “I’m doing this all for you! I thought you’d appreciate the effort.”

  Tears ran down Vee’s face as she slowly shook her head. “If you cared about me at all you’d leave all that in the past where it belongs. Instead, you’re trying to dredge it back up. I know you’re up to something. Whatever it is will end in disaster. It always does.”

  Noah turned away from her, raking his hands through his hair as he stared out the window. He didn’t say anything for a long moment, then finally he turned back around, infinite sadness in his eyes. “Look at you, Vee. Look what you’ve become. We need to put everything behind us so we can finally move on. That’s all I’m trying to do.” He stared at her desperately, and she lost some of her steam.

  I had no idea what they were talking about. Vee’s posture slumped as she stared back at him.

  “I have put it behind me,” she told him weakly, then turned and left the room. I stood still, listening to her ascend the stairs before closing her bedroom door. Noah and I were both silent. I was completely in the dark as to what kind of history he and Vee were fighting over, but I had an uneasy feeling I didn’t want to know.

  And that was why I didn’t ask about the party, nor why Vee was so crazy upset about it all.

  No, I didn’t ask about any of that. I took a few steps across the room until I stood in front of Noah, hands on my hip
s. His gaze rose to meet mine, and I studied him a moment.

  Then, when I’d finally built up enough courage, I asked, “Who’s Aleksy Mazur?”

  7.

  A slow smile spread across his lips, the tension and anger of the moment before gone completely. He had a look in his eyes I didn’t trust. Not one bit.

  “Aren’t you full of surprises,” he murmured.

  “I saw the name on your ID card when you asked me to take out your wallet yesterday.”

  His eyebrows did a quick jump. He didn’t say anything for a long, long moment, and I started to worry. There were way too many thoughts flittering behind his eyes, so green they were like pieces of broken glass eroded smooth by the sea.

  “What are you plotting?” I asked, nervous.

  “Not plotting. Just thinking.”

  “Are you going to tell me who he is, or are you just going to keep staring at me all creepy?”

  Noah’s lips twitched. “No, Estella, I’m not going to tell you, I’m going to show you.”

  My heart started to pound. “Show me how?”

  “First, go upstairs, and put on some normal clothes.”

  I glanced down at the crumpled uniform I’d been sitting in all evening. “Are we going somewhere?”

  “Yes. Go get changed.”

  Just like that, excitement took hold. I shouldn’t be excited, and I definitely shouldn’t go anywhere with Noah, but after Vee’s outburst I really didn’t want to be in this house right now. I returned to my room, grabbed a black, long sleeved, V-neck top and some jeans. I found my old Doc Marten boots and laced them up before twisting my hair into a bun. When I came back out, Noah was standing by the front door, Vee’s car keys dangling from his hand.

  “Are you going to tell me where we’re off to?”

  He gave a casual shrug. “Either come with me or stay here. It’s your choice.”

  I hesitated a moment, but my curiosity got the better of me. Maybe I also had a little bit of an adventurous streak. I climbed into the car and put on my seat belt. There was quiet as Noah pulled out of the driveway. We exited the town and got on the motorway, heading towards the city.

  “Why did you leave all those books in my room?” I asked a few minutes into the drive.

  Noah took a moment to answer, like he was weighing his words. “You strike me as someone who’s looking for answers. I thought maybe you’d find some in one of those books.”

  “Are they yours?”

  “They were.” His eyes flicked to mine. “But now they’re yours.”

  Something warm filled my chest, emotion catching in my throat. Why was I so touched he’d given me books that once belonged to him? Books that had meant something to him since they were well worn. He obviously read them over and over.

  “You don’t want them back? Not ever?”

  “I’m a lost cause, Estella. Your God can’t save me. Nor anyone else’s.” There was a piercing look in his eyes now. “You’re not a lost cause, just a lost soul. And souls are always capable of being saved.”

  “You don’t believe you have a soul?” I asked curiously.

  “If I do, I haven’t seen it in a long time.”

  “Everybody has a soul,” I whispered.

  “Well, sure,” Noah said. “If you believe in souls. Just …” he trailed off, his hands flexing on the steering wheel as he cast me a quick, sincere look. “Just remember that no matter how insightful the ideas and philosophies you read in those books are, they were all written by humans, and humans are often wrong. The truth can be masked by many things, which means you have to dig past a lot of bullshit to find the tiniest grain of wisdom.”

  I gazed at him, a warmth blooming in my chest. I found I quite liked it when Noah got insightful. “It’s a good thing I don’t mind digging,” I said, smiling at him now. I studied his profile as he focused on the road. “You were right, you know.”

  “About what?”

  “When you said there’s a lot to believe in religion. I think you’re too focused on everything that isn’t worth believing in though, and that’s why you can’t find your soul anymore. It’s buried under too much disbelief.”

  Noah cast me a quick glance. “Save your breath. I’ve left my days of existential angst behind me. I don’t have it in me to keep trying to understand the meaning of the world, or to ponder why bad things happen to good people. It’s a futile quest anyway. Now I just live my life, and whatever happens when I die, I’ll deal with it if and when it comes.” A pause as humorous glint came into his eyes. “Then again, I might have some regrets if hell does exist and my arse gets barbecued for all eternity.”

  “Who says you’d be going to hell?”

  A dark shadow passed over him. “Just a hunch.”

  “But don’t you want to believe in something?”

  “Of course, I want to. I tried to, but I can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I look at the world and see too many reasons not to.”

  His words made something inside of me deflate, because I knew how he felt. Sometimes I wallowed over the crap hand Dad and I were dealt and wondered how God could let it happen. But then I had to remind myself life wasn’t supposed to be easy. Struggle and heartache and loss existed so their shadows could contrast with the light of happiness, love and belonging.

  I studied Noah, wondering if I could somehow find a way to prove my argument to him. Something inside of me refused to accept he was the lost cause he claimed to be. But then, maybe he just didn’t need God like I did. Lots of people existed quite happily without religious or spiritual belief.

  “By the way, Principal Hawkins said he couldn’t make it to your party,” I said. “He already has other plans.”

  Noah’s eyebrows knitted together. “He did, did he?”

  I nodded. “Why invite those people anyway? They aren’t friends of Vee.”

  “Vee doesn’t have any friends. Those four come closest since they were friends of our parents.”

  “If they’re friends of your parents then why don’t they ever come to visit Sylvia?” I questioned, remembering Principal Hawkins asking almost shamefully how she was doing. If he really cared, he’d come and see her in person. “The only people that woman gets to interact with is me and Irene, maybe Vee when she decides to give her mother the time of day, which is only ever once in a blue moon.”

  “Sylvia will survive,” Noah said, before muttering something else under his breath I didn’t quite catch.

  We were in the city now, and a dodgy part of it at that. Noah pulled into a small, dark car park and cut the engine. I looked around. A bouncer in a leather jacket stood by a metal door. The building looked industrial, most of the windows blacked out.

  “Where are we?” I asked.

  “This is where I work.” He paused and rubbed a hand across his stubble, shooting me an almost sheepish look. For a second, he looked so much younger, like he was sharing a mischievous secret. “Actually, it’s where Aleksy works.” He got out of the car, not allowing me any time to respond. I hastily followed as he approached the man by the door. He gave Noah a nod, like he recognised him.

  “Aleksy, good to see you,” said the guy in a thick, Eastern European accent.

  “Good to see you too,” Noah answered, his accent matching the bouncer’s. I stared at him, mouth agape. What was with the fake accent?

  Now the man brought his attention to me. “Who is this?”

  Noah threw his arm around my shoulders. “This is Estella,” he said. His voice and the feel of his arm around me made the tiny hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. It was still Noah’s deep, masculine cadence, but he sounded like someone else entirely, and I couldn’t decide if I was wary or impressed by how easily he could switch. “I hope Tomasz won’t mind that I brought a friend tonight.”

  The man eyed me. “She looks a little young. You’ll vouch for her?”

  “Of course,” Noah replied.

  “Okay, then. In you go,”
the man said with a shrug.

  He opened the door, and Noah ushered me in. I shot him a wide-eyed glance, several questions on the tip of my tongue, but then we were in a long, dark, smoky room. Several men sat around a table playing cards and drinking liquor, while a few others stood by a bar chatting and having drinks with scantily clad women. What was this place?

  I started to wonder if I could trust Noah. After all, no trustworthy person had a fake persona. This might be his place of work, but why did he need to pretend to be Aleksy? It didn’t make sense.

  I quickly scanned the table and saw the men were playing poker. Then I saw the stacks of cash and realised they were playing for money.

  “Tomasz,” Noah greeted a balding man who looked like he was in charge. He sat at the head of the table and wore a black shirt, several gold chains peeking out.

  “Aleksy,” Tomasz replied with a stoic nod.

  Noah bypassed the men, and I followed him to the bar at the other end of the room. He greeted the young guy who’d been manning it, speaking a language I didn’t recognise, then took over for him. Noah could speak a foreign language? I had to admit I was impressed, and a little turned on. I hesitantly lowered onto one of the stools and watched as he began making drinks for the men and women at the bar, interacting with them in the same language he’d spoken before. To my inexperienced ears it sounded sort of like Russian, but I couldn’t be certain.

  Noah gave zero explanation as I sat there. It was like he expected me to digest this double life of his all on my own.

  I finally managed to catch his gaze as I raised both eyebrows and made an exasperated gesture with my hands. He simply smirked and went about his work. At one point he set a Coke down in front of me, as though that should assuage me. I reluctantly sipped it since I was admittedly thirsty. When things died down and Noah was less busy, he came to lean across the bar. “I’ll give you three questions. Use them wisely.”

  Low music played, so we could speak with relative privacy, but he didn’t drop the act, speaking in English but still with that annoyingly sexy accent. “Three questions?” I replied, ignoring the shivers his voice brought on.